Obituaries: Write your own, before it’s too late!

“If he hadn’t died, the obituary the newspaper ran would have killed him!”

I have reached the age where the obituaries have become mandatory reading. Last week, the obituaries ran more than two whole pages in my local newspaper. Obviously, more and more people are no longer leaving the writing of their passing to newspaper interns! And while most of us don’t like to think about dying, the last impression you leave may be your obituary!

I started my career in journalism writing obituaries. It is truly the lowliest task on the journalism totem pole. Often, I relied on the information provided by the funeral home, never bothering to check whether the information was accurate or complete. Sometimes, I was instructed to call a survivor of the deceased and interview them—-a task I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It is difficult at best to get useful information out of a grieving widow or widower. Many times, adult children just don’t have all the facts. Resorting to news files never provides a complete picture of the person who died.

How many times have you read an obituary and thought, “They must be talking about someone else. The guy I knew was interesting!”

If you want the media to get it right, write it yourself! You may not die for 50 years, but it never hurts to keep a draft obituary or biography on file. Once you are gone, it is really too late to ensure that what you think is important appears in your obituary. Some tips:

. Focus on what is important to you. Your obituary is your last opportunity to leave an impression on the world. It is your final opportunity to tell people what impact you had on people, your profession, and your community. Tell it as you see it. This is the one time your opinion is the only one that counts! Ask yourself, “What one thing do I want people to remember about me?” and feature it prominently.

. Make it interesting. Include little known facts about your life. For example, it is much more interesting to say, “Born and raised by Slovak immigrants in Carollville, Wisconsin, Judska attended a one-room school house for the first five years of his education. After his father, Joseph, got a job at American Motors, the family moved to Kenosha. There, Judska, worked from age 10 sweeping out a neighborhood bakery after school until he graduated from Bradford High School in 1940.”

. Reveal important lessons. Everyone learns important lessons during their life, and an obituary is an opportunity to share them. If you founded and built a multimillion dollar corporation, for instance, you might talk about what motivated you. An example, “Johnson was a mediocre student in high school, and was advised by his high school counselor to go into a trade. He refused to accept this advice and told the counselor that he intended to run his own company some day. He enrolled at a local community college, and two years later, transferred to Harvard, where he ultimately earned his MBA. Ten years later, he returned to his high school to show the counselor a story about his successful company in the Wall Street Journal. His parting words: ‘If I had listened to you, I would be repairing cars at a gas station. Instead, I am making more money a week than you will ever make in a lifetime. Your job should have been to encourage, not discourage!’”

. Focus on achievements that mattered to you. No newspaper is going to print the 100 awards you earned over a lifetime. Select the few that really mattered to you, and list them. The same holds true for articles and books published, speeches delivered, and positions held. In addition, if you served in a public position, talk about your most significant achievements. If you served in the military, mention any notable battles you fought in or any medals of honor you received. These are the facts you want remembered!

. Tell the truth. While this is an opportunity to provide opinions, it is not the time to misrepresent the truth. Blatant mistruths are bound to raise the ire of the media, and some will be motivated to counter with the truth from other sources, especially if your claims create legal liability for the media publishing them. Keep your obituary positive and truthful, or it might be subject to rigorous editing.

. Provide key photos. Include with your obituary black and white photographs that accurately reflect your life and career. Note that simply providing a high school photo when your death occurs at age 80 probably won’t be used. Instead, the media will use a more current file photograph!

. Review and update your obituary on a regular basis. Once you’ve prepared your obituary, review it and make any necessary changes at least annually. It might also be wise have someone else review it occasionally for content.

There is no guarantee that every word written will be published or reported by the media. Many times, what is published will depend on available space, or what your family is willing to pay. (Yes, some newspapers now charge for death notices!) That’s why it is important to concentrate only on the most important facts and information. Then you will have a say in the final impression you leave behind.